This post has already been “reported” for false information. So let me offer some disclaimers before you read it:

1. I am not in any way claiming or suggesting that vaccines cause Autism. I don’t know what causes Autism. Neither does the medical community. I am only suggesting that those who have experienced reactions to vaccines and/or live with children who have had the same, may have valid arguments or concerns when it comes to vaccinating themselves or their children. 

2. I am not discouraging anyone from taking a Covid vaccine. My wife and Mother-in-Law have both taken the vaccine and are very happy with their decision. I may take it as well. The below are just the thoughts and feelings I am weighing as I come to that decision. 

3. I in NO WAY discount the amazing work so many health care professionals do. Those who work in that field are among some of the best and brightest. And they have acted heroically throughout this pandemic. A few of them even saved my life. This is simply an acknowledgement that we’re all human and prone to getting it wrong occasionally. And that we’re all trying to get through this the best we can with the information we have…or don’t have. 

Having said all that, read at your own risk …  

Vaccines wrecked my life.

Well, not so much the vaccines themselves. But the discussion of them…and maybe the vaccines themselves. Who knows. 

When my wife and I brought our daughter home from China, we took her to the doctor for a full checkup. She had weird behaviors, wasn’t eating, wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t holding her head up, etc. 

A good ol’ dose of western medicine was in order. 

The doctor assured us everything was fine and we just needed to let her cry it out at night, when she wasn’t sleeping. Eventually it would all work itself out. Now, let’s get her fully vaccinated. 

My wife and I looked at each other knowingly. First, we kinda knew everything wasn’t really going to be alright. He wasn’t listening. Or we were just so sleep deprived we weren’t making any sense. 

But second, my daughter had already been fully vaccinated in China. We had the records and she still had the needle marks in her feet to prove it. 

I spoke up, “Um, doc, she had all her shots in China.”

“Yeah, but they get all the knock-offs and irregular stuff we reject, here. It’s best to just do it all again,” he said, while quickly preparing the 43 vaccinations (yes – I said 43) to give her in two separate shots. 

So, I gulped and said, “Actually, we’re going to wait on the full panel for a bit. We’d like to see her get more acclimated to her life and more in the groove before we do this. She’s only 9 months old. We have time …”

Before I could say anything else, he dropped his head and said, “Ok, I see what’s going on here. You guys are THOSE people. You’ve spent too much time on the internet and too much time listening to junk science. You either get this kid jabbed today – RIGHT NOW – or I am not your doctor anymore. I’ve had about enough of this nonsense walking into my practice …”

Before he could go any further, we had her dressed and out the door. “Okay, we’re not your patients, then,” we said, as we bolted toward the front desk to pay up and leave. 

He then wrote something (we still – 19 years later – have no idea what) on her chart that got her kicked off our insurance plan. That ONE move wrecked our financial lives for the next ten years and drove us into bankruptcy. 


Because my daughter started having to go to the ER in the back of an ambulance three times a week, with 7 and 8-minute seizures. She started having to see specialists and therapists and “experts” who couldn’t seem to figure out her particular set of problems. 

Finally, after 5 years of sleep deprivation and specialist after specialist and learning the inside of Vanderbilt like the back of my hand, and losing all my money and losing my career and losing my mind, we found out that she is missing a piece of her 15th maternal chromosome. 

We found that out by a friend pointing out things he’d seen in another child like mine. Then we got information on…YES…the internet. Then, we confirmed our suspicions with a genetics test. And it came back positive. She is missing the piece of the chromosome. 

That’s actual science. 

So, just to recap: she wasn’t EVER going to simply “cry it out” at night. Ever. She wasn’t dealing with regular baby stuff. We weren’t just sleep deprived. Something was actually, scientifically wrong with her. 

That doctor, not having all the actual information, was about to fully re-vaccinate a 9-month-old with a genetic disorder, WHO. HAD. JUST. BEEN. FULLY VACCINATED. Who later was shown to have adverse reactions to vaccinations. When she got the MMR (at 6), she reacted for a solid month so violently we have never gotten the booster. 

In other words, WE weren’t the science problem in that doctor’s office. The doctor was. 

Along the way to finally having someone – NOT A DOCTOR – finally see something nobody else was able to see, she was misdiagnosed a half dozen times. And every time she was misdiagnosed, she was mis-medicated. 

So, pardon me if I question those in the medical profession from time to time. I have lived – actually lived – the nightmare of their mistakes. So has my family. 

I believe most doctors are good people who genuinely want to help. I listen to them. I take what they have to say seriously. Then I weight it against other information and other opinions.

At the moment, there’s a full court press to get every person on Earth vaccinated against Covid 19. And I understand it. We all want to get back to normal…whatever that is. 

But those who haven’t yet gotten the vaccine might not be the ignorant, rube, Trump worshiping idiot you think they are. 

In my own case, I’ve actually had the virus. My daughter has actually hadthe virus. There were early reports that people with natural immunity only had it for a few months. Now, we’re learning that natural immunity probably lasts a lifetime. Maybe not. We’re not really sure yet. 

Why? Because we’re still learning. And that is the issue. 

Other than Kamala Harris, who said she would not receive the vaccine if Trump pushed it, nobody really cares who was responsible for getting it created. Not really. Not when it comes down to it. 

What people care about is not putting something INSIDE their bodies that has only been in trials for 8 months. That’s not denying science. That’s simply being cautious. 

I’m really sick and tired of medical and science people calling a natural, human instinct “anti science.” On one hand they will go on and on about how humans have done this certain behavior for millions of years; activating the fight or flight response because our caveman ancestors were being chased by saber tooth tigers, etc, etc, but then refuse to understand the same mechanisms at work right in front of them. 

My family is not a family of anti-vaxers. We’re not people who refuse to go to the doctor and just pray our illnesses away. 

No, we read and research and listen and think and weigh and then do more of it. We have to. 

And if you’re not at least a little skeptical about the sheer number of vaccines given to children, you’re not thinking about it. Is there a reason Autism rates are lower in Colorado and Mississippi – the two states where the MMR vaccine isn’t mandatory until age 5? I have no idea. It might be a total coincidence. 

But isn’t it worth discussing?

How many vaccines are safe in one shot? 20? 30? 70? A thousand? A hundred? 

Nobody seems to be able to give me that number. And they never have. As a society, we’ve settled on 43. Okay. Why? Do we know that number is safe?

Why did the medical community deny Thymerosol was a contributing factor in Autism – but then remove it from vaccines? Was it just the PR aspect? I really don’t know. I don’t even claim to know. 

All I claim to know is this: there are two doctors at Princeton University who didn’t believe anyone in the Asian race could even be stricken with Angelman Synrome (my daughter’s condition). Doctors. At Princeton. 

Then there’s me – a guy who didn’t graduate from college – who knows they can because I. LIVE. WITH. ONE. 

The point is simply this: we all know medicine can be inexact. We’ve all experienced it somewhere along the way. The number one killer in America, every year, is doctor error. 

And with this virus, the facts seem to keep changing. Of course they are. We haven’t seen this before. 

But you can’t brow beat people into doing what you want them to do. You have to lead them. And it helps if you do it without rolling your eyes. 

I had a bad bout of the virus. I thought I was going to die a time or two. And I never thought it was a hoax. I never laughed it off as nothing to be concerned about. Neither did Donald Trump, by the way. What he said was a “hoax” was the press reporting that he wasn’t taking it seriously. I know this because I listened to EVERY press conference he held on the virus from January 2020, until they stopped doing them. EVERY. ONE. 

CNN can’t say that. 

I wore the mask. I stayed home as much as I could. I washed my hands till they were raw. And I got the virus anyway. Because that’s how viruses work. They spread. They mutate. Then they spread again. That’s exactly what is happening right now. 

Will I get the vaccine? I’m still weighing it out and thinking about it. 

But I’ll guarantee you this: you belittling my decision-making process one way or another, isn’t going to cause me to do what you want me to do. 

I’ve already been through too much regarding health and science and the human genome to take vaccination advice from an angry Facebooker who thinks they know everything there is to know about science because they watch documentaries on Curiosity Stream. 

We don’t know everything. 

Sometimes the baby doesn’t need to cry it out. Sometimes it actually IS good to wait before you vaccinate. Sometimes, maybe it’s not a bad thing to give people the benefit of the doubt regarding their own health choices. 

And then, if they want to take the shot, they will. And if they don’t want to, they won’t. And they will have to live (or die) with the consequences of whatever they decide to do. 

Just don’t assume people are stupid and uniformed simply because they have questions.

It has been my experience that doctors who do that are often the ones who end up being wrong…and maybe about to ruin your life.  








4 thoughts on “MISGIVINGS…

  1. Excellent, insightful piece. Thank you. I chose to fully vaccinate — mainly because I teach ballet and hence, deal with a lot of different students and parents every day — but firmly believe people should follow their own thinking about it. Constantly surprised at the meanness of the eye-rolling and suggestions that others might be ill-educated or stupid if they make a decision they feel is right for them about the vaccine. It’s as if this situation has allowed that awful middle-school bullying and mean-spiritedness to well up in some people. Very revealing.


  2. The doctor and a nurse who was giving the vaccine both told me not to get the vaccine; I have horrible allergies and don’t respond normally to medications. The flu vaccine wiped me out for three days, back in the early 90s. Most of my family members have been vaccinated. Some had a rough time of it; some hardly noticed.


  3. We’re waiting on the vax for now. When I am asked why, as I often am, I reply “Because I have a PhD in Human Genetic Epidemiology and I read the Pfizer submission to the FDA and I have some reservations. I also checked the VAERS database and that has added to my uncertainty as well as reports of circulating spike proteins and the potential for antibody enhancement, which I am not satisfied has been adequately addressed. So I intend to wait until more data comes out.” Anyone who argues with me gets a “And what is your PhD in?” They almost always just shut right up, even the doctors.

    I have personally had more shit, more misery, more hassles and more trouble from arrogant doctors who think they know better and jump to conclusions faster than you say “Bob’s your uncle” than most people. Probably because I know stuff. I have had to stop my husband from being overmedicated, my son from being undermedicated, argued back to avoid a routine episiotomy, a c-section and a D&C. And I have fired more doctors than most people because of it. I once read a comment in my medical file (yes I insisted on reading it after firing the c-section doctor) that said I know too much and I am a very difficult patient because of it.

    Here in Canada any doctor who speaks out against the vaccine or says anything negative about any of the public health measures has their license revoked and loses hospital privileges. The message has been made very very very clear to doctors. So, IMHO, you can’t trust anything the doctors tell you about COVID up here in Canada because most of them are even more afraid of that potential punishment than they are of any potential harm to their patients.

    All that negativity being said, I have found some wonderful doctors along the way who have been our partner in our care and a wonderful support. Such a doctor is a rare gem and should be treated with respect and even adoration because they aren’t that common.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is a very thought-provoking piece – thank you!
    I am fully vaccinated, but I’m against the backlash that people have suffered for deciding against getting vaccinated. That is their choice, and more power to them. Their choice doesn’t pose a threat to me, and is none of my business. Also, how many lives have been saved by questioning doctor’s pronouncements and decisions? I suspect this can’t be measured, but I know that no one cares more about your situation than you, so you need to be your own advocate, get the facts, study the reports, and collaborate with a doctor that listens to you!

    Liked by 1 person

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