Ten rules of thumb on this election day:
1. Let’s all agree on a two-day waiting period before we start calling each other Nazis.
2. If politics is your religion and the state is your God, consider meditation and/or alcohol. They will both help you cope.
3. If you don’t understand the difference between LEGAL immigration and ILLEGAL immigration, let everyone who walks into the polling place today cut in front of you, while you’re trying to legally vote. It will start making sense.
4. If you are voting in your own self-interest, you can’t demonize people on the other side, who are doing the same thing.
5. Just because there are those who disagree with you on politics doesn’t mean they want people to die in a pile, having never experienced love or the joy of painting.
6. Just because I vote for a particular candidate, doesn’t mean I own everything they say or do. Voting is pragmatic at best. I can’t wave a magic wand and make these people as smart or articulate as me. Neither can you. We can only buy the house that’s for sale.
7. If my side wins, it probably won’t mean everything I want it to mean. If your side wins, the same holds true. We elect humans …not dogs. So we can’t expect them to be perfect.
8. Jesus wasn’t an American and the only thing he ever said about politics was “render to Caesar the things that are Caesars.” Elections are basically about how we choose to organize ourselves. Don’t get too spiritual about it. And don’t start “God shaming” people who don’t vote like you. If Jesus wanted me to vote like you, he would’ve made you smarter. Again …humans. (see #7)
9. Stop offending Canada by only wanting to move there if a certain American election outcome doesn’t go your way. Canada is a nice place. They deserve to be treated like a real country and a first choice …not just a backup. Move there or don’t.
10. If your side doesn’t win today, you don’t need a day off or therapy or a “a few weeks to process.” And you definitely don’t have PTSD. That is fucking offensive. Stop it. Drink your way through it like the rest of us.
Happy voting everyone!
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