WOMEN …

“Dad, it’s just science. Girls are superior to boys IN EVERY WAY. Everybody knows that.”

My (then) 9-year-old son was adamant about this.

I tried to tell him gender doesn’t matter. I tried to tell him that everyone was different …special …unique. But it was falling on deaf ears. And I realized my son is being raised in the world of “girl power,” beta males and Homer Simpson dads. He’s never seen a father or husband be right or smart or clever in ANY TV commercial in his life. The man is always the foil. He doesn’t know he’s supposed to be a hero. Because the male hero archetype is being systematically removed from the culture. Nobody needs a man to complete, help, heal, fix or rescue them. We get it. And so, males are currently a bit adrift.

Men are in the process – literally as we speak – of going from Viking marauders to domesticated care-givers, complete with soft hands, gentle smiles and baby front packs. And it’s actually wreaking havoc on our testosterone levels. There is science that backs this up.

I always wanted to elevate myself beyond my gender. I refuse to allow my wife to care for me in any way when I get sick. I’ve driven myself to the ER several times with kidney stones. I will not be the “man/baby” with the cold. I wash and fold my own clothes. I vacuum. I change diapers. And I never require sex. I’ve chosen booze to take its place …but I digress.

This has nothing to do with my wife or our relationship. This started years before I met her. I never wanted to be “that guy” …the stereotype …the simpleton, easy to bash. I was raised during the “me” generation, and Hellen Reddy let my 7-year-old self know exactly how it was going to be. I was sent the signal from my youth, “YOU are the problem, young man.” And so I guess I’ve spent my life trying to not be the problem.

Enter a 70-year-old alpha male, child/billionaire/president, driving women insane and into the streets. I understand the marches I suppose. But I sure wish someone had marched with a sign decrying all the Muslim nations that actually DO abuse women …again, I digress.

The truth is, here are a few points where a lot of men (okay – just me) are coming from regarding women and marches and such:

1. We hear you the first time.

This march that attracted millions of women, was pretty much a lot of women telling us …

* “We refuse to allow mysogonist billionaires to get away with disrespecting women!”  Got it. Trump bad. 50 Shades of Grey, good. K …

* “You can’t just grab us by the privates.” Got it. We’ll pass the message on to the Donald. In exchange, could ya’ll tell Madonna that threatening to blow up the White House is kind of a thing?

* “We are NOT giving up the right to terminate our potential offspring.” Got it. Even if I can see a foot print in your belly …you get to get rid of it. Check. More on that later …

EVERY single man I know, knew all of this already. But thanks for reminding us …again. Because we love that. Especially when you scream it at us.

*** As an aside …were the vagina costumes on Pinterest or something? How did that many people know how to find/make one? Anyway …moving on …

2. We’re not trying to make more money than you.

This 78 cents on the dollar thing is a good sound byte figure. But it’s misleading. There is literally no place in America where someone can systematically hire women at lower rates than men …BECAUSE they’re women. At least not legally. This has been against the law for over 40 years. You can only make something a law so many times. There is no “man pay chart” and “woman pay chart” at any company, anywhere. We all know this, right?

But there ARE market forces in play. Take movies for instance: All actors don’t get paid the same thing because of the market. And a lot of that market is, ironically, driven by …women. More women will go see a Brad Pitt movie than they will a …oh …I don’t know …Ashley Judd movie. Film people know this and offer Ms Judd the amount they can project based on her past box office performances. They’ll do the same with Brad. And no matter how many laws are on the books, those two numbers will never be equal. The market simply won’t allow them to be.

Incidentally, this is the same reason I don’t earn as much money as Harry Connick Jr. And we both have pianos and penises …I’m assuming.

When you factor the dozens of variables into the equation, the pay discrepancy between men and women is actually less than a nickel per dollar.

3. You (ladies) body shame each other. We just like your bodies.

Marilyn Monroe was a size 14. And I don’t care. Men don’t sit around and talk about who is a size what. Women are the ones who focus on all that stuff. We don’t really even know the difference between a size 6 and a size 10 …or a size 18. We think you’re hot just like you are. We’ll take you being nice to us over flat abs any day.

4. Sometimes we NEED to fix it.

We know you always say you don’t want it fixed. You just want us to listen. But trust me on this …fixing it is WAY easier than listening. And we break so much stuff, we should fix some things, sometimes. At least let us THINK we’re fixing it on occasion. We need to feel useful.

5. Motherhood and fatherhood are viewed very differently.

I understand the part of the recent march that focussed on reproductive rights. As much as I think abortion is an abomination, I am on record as not wanting to imprison women who have one (as long as I don’t have to pay for it …I think that’s fair). But think of this …

When you demand the right to “choose,” what is that “choice” you’re asking for, exactly? You’re demanding the right to choose MOTHERHOOD or not. That’s pretty much the core of it. You want the right to say, “I’m not ready for this and so I am terminating it.” Okay …fine.

But if a man decides HE doesn’t want to be a father …he’s labeled a “deadbeat dad.” I dare say if a million men marched in the streets to demand their right to NOT be fathers, we would call them cowards and pigs and dismiss them as horrible human beings. As someone who CHOSE to be a father, I certainly would.

But maybe I should re-think my view of deadbeat dads if we all get to decide, POST PREGNANCY, if we actually want that responsibility or not. In the spirit of true equality, why does a man have to be a dad if he doesn’t want to be, if a woman doesn’t have to be a mom if she doesn’t want to be? Just a thought …

Finally, you should know ladies, that most of us men ARE trying to be good fathers and good husbands and good citizens toward you. We’re pretty sure we’re on our way to just being sperm donors and strong backs in your future society (I’m already out on both counts).

But we’re not trying to subjugate you. We don’t want you to shut up and sit down (well …at least not sit down). We don’t think of you as less than us. To the contrary, most conversations I have with my bros are about how much smarter women are than us. We know you’re not servants. We don’t want to rape anybody (at least the large majority of us doesn’t).

Just like my 10-year-old son, we think of you as superior to us in almost every way. And we’re actually cool with that.

We still just don’t quite understand you. That’s probably because we’re not all that smart in the first place. So, grant us a little grace.

The only definite thing we’ve figured out so far is …we’re pretty sure you’re all crazy.

R

PS – that last line was a joke. PLEASE don’t send pages and pages of emails. I’m winking and laughing. Laugh along with me! Seriously …only send a paragraph at the most. I just can’t read it all. I know every detail is important but …cut me a break. I have chores to do! Seriously …

33 thoughts on “WOMEN …

  1. We have removed the leaders from our homes and effectively set ourselves adrift. Most women are not natural born leaders because we’re too emotional which is not a leadership trait. We should be led by men. All of my feminist friends are cringing right now hahaha. The only time I want my husband to listen to me is when I’m telling him how to fix the car. Other than that, we can happily co-exist. He’s my best friend and my shepherd. We make a great team.

    Sent from my iPhone

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    Liked by 4 people

    • I’m so glad another female has this sense. All my liberal friends (men and women) would flog me right now. But, I can’t help it. I know me. And, I am attracted to a strong, respectful man who can lead. And, I’ll gladly let him. Maybe that makes me a weird minority of women these days… but, that’s me.

      Liked by 5 people

      • I would have to disagree about women not being natural born leaders. And I am not saying this because I am a feminist, I am saying this as someone who has attended countless leadership workshops and seen more women taking initiative than me. I am saying this as an American soldier who has served under and with many great female leaders. I am saying this as someone who has served as a leader in many facets herself.

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        • agreed! I’m sure there are all kinds of women and all kinds of men. But if there is one thing I KNOW, it is that women can be amazing fierce leaders or just cheer on others while they stay home and cook. This is my definition of feminism, equality. Be the boss if you want or cook dinner if you want. I’m a housewife and I love it! However, I also do most of the yard work and attempt to fix things around the house. My husband works in tech. He cannot fix a lot but could probably program this house to go to the moon if he wanted. Again, all different types of men and women.

          Liked by 1 person

      • I want to clarify, for what it is worth… that I am a single mother of 2 children. At this point, I am the only “fierce leader” of my household. Mid year, I plan to be debt free, have a full time career job that pays well, and am self taught for the majority of my skills (with only a 2 year technical degree because I wanted to go straight to work, not keep paying for school).

        If there’s anything I do know, it’s how to lead. I just recognize that, as someone else has articulated in better words: some women make good leaders, some do not. I can run my household, and probably will be that sole person for the rest of my life. I do appreciate a strong male leader though. I’ve personally witnessed more “cat fighting” and “competition” between females than males though. It’s an interesting topic and dynamic for sure.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. As a woman I did not feel I needed to march or side along with these women. If one knows enough about me they would have thought that I would be the perfect “feminist”. I am 51 and I have never been married. I have a successful career one that I worked very hard at and earned. I have a tidy sum in 401K and a pension. I raised my 29 year old daughter as a single parent and never once got a dime of child support. When I was pregnant and told my boss that I would need time off he said that would not work. Yup in 1987 I was fired for being pregnant. I ended up getting a small sum to help out for a few months but not enough for what lay ahead of me in life. I had an apartment manager where this nice good neighborhood was deny me the apartment because I was a single mom and I would bring men and party into my house. (so he said) We ended up in a neighborhood where sometime you could hear gunfire and there was violence. (That manager didn’t care he just want rent) I didn’t have parents that taught me what one should do for themselves to be successful, no one cared if I went to college, no one cared if I waited tables, and no one cared at all. So I had to grow up on my own and figure the whole mess of it out. I was lucky and I thank God for that every day, I finally took the path that lead me to school for Radiology Sciences, (2 year waiting list I got in right away based on test scores) After 3 years of school, two of them being on welfare to work the clinical hours that was required I graduated. It was hard the last Christmas of that year I could buy no presents and barely had food until the next student loan/grant came in January. I managed to take my kid to softball practice and do some things for her as well. I got a job when everyone said there were no jobs. I went to work on time (one thing my dad did say was if you are not early you are late…) Eventually bought a home and then moved to another and made my way. I survived the 2008 recession, finished my next degree and put my daughter through college as well. Sometimes I cried from not being able to see the end of the tunnel. Some men came into my life and broke my heart. However in the end I survived, my daughter is her own woman, successful, married and traveling the world with her husband. I did not feel the need to march. I had hardships and things that were done that were not right. But I let go of blame a long time ago and I choose a different path. Someone once said if you keep getting ran over by the bus then get in the bus and drive it. I did not vote for Trump but I could not nor would not vote for Hilary. Trump lost me over the Muslim registry. My new son-in-law is half Muslim and a wonderful kind hearted man. I love his family as well. I could have marched but I choose life or my own body and though it was hard it was so worth it. My daughter and I share that now as well. I could have marched but I do not hate or want to hate. I want to find a way to make our new president accountable to me and ALL Americans. I know there are some racial issues …real ones, poverty that is hard to pull yourself from and more. But he (Trump) is here and it is not our responsibility to make him accountable with wisdom, sincerity and paying attention. I am disgusted by those women’s behavior, nastiness; they littered and marched for global warming. HYPOCRISY.
    I don’t have to march to be my own woman and someone I am damn proud of when I look in the mirror.
    (Sorry I blogged a bit from your blog but I felt those words all week long.)

    Liked by 5 people

    • I absolutely agree. I posted something similar on Facebook this morning. I do not need a march to feel or express that I am woman. And, I know I have been blessed, but I have never had to defend the fact that I am a woman. I agree that you “choose”. Something only has power over you if you give it power. I honestly think a lot of people like drama. I just want to be successful and rational, and a positive participant in society. I do that by BEING rational AND holding myself accountable.

      I should make the perfect feminist too, but I choose not to be. I don’t need to be. I don’t want to be angry all the time and play a victim. I am a single mother of two, and almost debt free (something I never could achieve while married for 13 years, oddly enough [he was not a leader]).

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I so enjoy reading your blog! Many women were scratching their heads trying to figure out what the recent march was actually about. In fact, many of my friends who marched all cited different reasons. I’ll assume each woman had their own personal reason for taking part. I’m a women but I didn’t march because it was unclear to me exactly what the complaint or issue was and I’m pretty happy with my life. This doesn’t mean I’m not greatful for all those that came before me. While no one can argue with our history and the strides made by women on behalf of women, today’s men shouldn’t be vilified for previous mistakes. I’ve met some men that are assholes and others who I respect her much. The same can be said about the women I’ve met on my journey. While coming together in unity is wonderful, lumping everyone of the same sex together and assuming guilt by association is not. Looking forward to your next post!

    Liked by 5 people

  4. If we want people to respect our bodies more we should stop women like Miley Cyrus from riding wrecking balls.
    Further, when I was a young woman working in DC it was a put out or get out city. Women these days don’t know how good we have it now.

    Liked by 4 people

  5. I think all women should read this particular blog. I am a woman (FYI) and I think women, in their quest to be “all things equal”, have really forgotten that all things aren’t always equal…and geez, do we really want them to be? I’m not talking all bad or all good. Life isn’t always fair, put on your big girl pants (and big boy… just to be fair) and get on with it! life is still pretty decent in this country and we forget how lucky we are. Kinda feel sorry for the men out there. I don’t think half know if they are coming or going anymore, at least with respect to how they think they’re suppose to be feeling around us gals…poor fellas! Just work hard, love your spouses and your kids, treat people kindly and with respect and just be decent people!!! Men and Women!!!! Thank you for this awesome read!

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I am a crazy white woman. I accept that as well as feminism, pay equity & aint nobody ever gonna tell me what to do with my body. I’m also okay with the notion that men and women are not created equally. Our bodies are different. For real. What I am not okay with is the HATE and nastiness that I am seeing and saw during the March. Madonna included. Five year old girls holding signs with profanity written on them is irresponsible. Period. Signs of our President with a swastika on his shoulder made me shudder. I’m saddened especially by the HATE now coming from some women to other women. Truth. While it looked good on TV and I am truly in awe of the amazing numbers “the march” produced, I am also in turmoil over it. I have a 15-year old daughter/activist/feminist and we discussed whether or not to “march”. We chose not to. Honestly, when I read between all of the “cause” lines & began to “see” confusion and dissension among some women with regard to which cause they were or should be marching for and why, I realized the “cat-fighting” had begun. While the numbers were growing, so too were the causes. Solidarity was there in numbers absolutely and props to that but certainly not in the “issues”. They all went but not all for the same reason and while that’s okay by me, that’s their right, I have no interest in being part of a ragtime band or not knowing exactly what I am putting myself out there for. Nor do I have interest in marching “against” someone or something that hasn’t happened yet either. Is that not my right too? Oy! Now some of those among us who chose not to march are frowned upon. “Tsk. Tsk.” Really? I respect all of our rights but I’m not feeling it among all of my peeps right now and I am not sure how to guide my daughter these days when Facebook seems to be the go-to news source and fact checking is becoming harder and harder to do. Thanks, Regie I hear your man pain although, I can’t feel your pain because I am feeling another kind of pain, plus, I’m not a man and men and women are indeed different. Nature seems to say so. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • “Oy! Now some of those among us who chose not to march are frowned upon. “Tsk. Tsk.” Really? I respect all of our rights but I’m not feeling it among all of my peeps right now ”

      I woke up feeling the same way today. I’ve always been a bit different and struggled to find “belonging”. But, even at work, on Facebook, on internal work Slack… I am way outnumbered. I don’t like being frowned upon, but I also don’t like feeling like I don’t belong. I woke up and realized everyone feels differently than I do about reality. That’s hard. And does not help in the least. People marched for women rights, yet they aren’t supporting or representing ME. I am a woman. Hello.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Good, you learned a valuable lesson from them. These identity groups than march and protest and spew hate and violence are not where to go to work on your identity and self esteem. No sarcasm intended. But they don’t represent anyone truly, just their own hidden interests. They use people. You weren’t useful to them, you think for yourself.

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  7. That’s right, Girl Power! As a man is very important for me to respect all the woman around the world. I agree with this blog post and this would be a great example not only for a girl but for the boys to be equal and be fair to all women.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Wow! Lots of anger about the women march here. Well, I marched in DC and it was nothing like the way this is all being described……I did see one giant vagina costume, though and yes, I was amazed that people knew how to make them. What a weird thing to know, lol.

    Anyway, I did not see the news because I was busy being in the news. However, that being said. From your comments, and from others that I have read, those who opposed the march seem to have seen only clips of the more extreme parts of the march, Like Madonna and vagina costumes, or have found a way to dislike it as a means to support their own opposing narrative. Most people were not like madonna and most people did not have giant vagina costumes, I promise (though I am sure the media loved to show you these images).

    I also think this blog assumes a lot about why people marched. I like this blog, but this post, though some good points, seem to have misinterpreted the women’ march. Yes, the word WOMEN was in the title because the intention was to be a womens’ march against Trump (for women and those who support their bodily rights/ working right/etc. to attend, but not solely to talk about womens’ issue.

    However, as months went on, the march moved away from it’s original premise as many wanted to join because, yes, women!…. but also because, as one man’s sign said, “This (administration) is a very bad sign”. As I marched, I noticed many different people voicing many different concerns in regards to the current administration. It was all peaceful and all ages were represented.There was an amazing feeling in the air. It was palpable. Everyone just showed up that day because all of those liberals, independents, and GOP never-trumpers didn’t know what else to do except show up and be together to say ‘no’ (for a million different reasons).

    Lastly, Please google images from around the world for Jan 21st. There were millions of people protesting Trump around the world. I think the coordinated marches that day totaled between 3 and 5 million. There was even a march in antarctica! Listen, if that many people bother to show up. There is a problem in the world. A big, orange problem.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I, and my wife, are from a generation older than you, I would guess. My wife is an Asian immigrant and has a different idea of the role we each serve than many American women. We both work hard. I am the breadwinner and devote 10 to 12 hours a day (more sometimes) earning the livelihood that supports us. I do the rougher chores outside, which includes putting up 6 chords of firewood a year to heat our house in the winter. My wife largely cooks, cleans, and takes care of the household. When she is regretfully away from the house for any length of time, she loads the freezer with meals; but, I have lived alone in my life and I can do it when I need to.

    I know that this traditional arrangement is not common, and many of her lady friends harangue her about her devotion and slavery to me. I rescued her from a dull, drab existence and she has said her life with me was her last shot before she would have killed herself. I have supported and encouraged her in every way that I could, but our greatest happiness has been in our traditional lifestyles. In our social circle,the happiest couples are those that have embraced a more traditional separation of duties in their marriages. I am skeptical enough to know that this may not necessarily be a universal answer, but it has worked the best for the majority of couples that I know.

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  10. Just found your blog. A friend posted your Hitler post on FB. I have only read a few posts this morning but what I have read has either made me pause and think or nod in agreement. Glad I found you! Will keep reading. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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